How To Build A Role-Model
by AkatsukiRedCloud
Summary: Deidara Iwa, Hired personally by an old band, known as The Akatsuki, to help lead-guitarist, Sasori Akasuna, get over his serious drug problem, and help The Akatsuki rise back up to fame. How will Deidara feel when he is forced to turn Sasori into a respected role-model, in under a month? Rated T for language, use of drugs, and alcohol. SasoDei. Ratings may change. Please review!
1. The Akatsuki

_**Why, Why, Why.**_

_**That's why.**_

_**Sorry, I can't think of a reason why I decided to write this, I guess I just needed a bit of a break from the other fics. Though I will be continuing them all, of course. Apart from Akatsuki Childhood's...That's just...Ugh.**_

_**So anyway, I know "Akatsuki Band" How original, right? Note the sarcasm. I'm just going to tell you now, that this won't be another Akatsuki Band fics, It's going to be rather different...Well, hopefully.**_

_**But hey, Akatsuki Band fics are cool, right?**_

_**I think they are U.U**_

_**Don't ask about the title either...P-Please...**_

_**So anyway, I hope you enjoy^^**_

_**Please review!^^**_

_**Deidara's POV**_

"You know these people?"

My boss, Mr. Kazuo, pointed towards a large poster stuck to the wall. I nodded in reply, smiling.  
"Who doesn't, un? Those guys are like..." I paused for a moment, numerous words flooding through my brain. "The best band in the world!"  
"I wouldn't go that far. They're popular though; Or used to be."

Mr. Kazuo continued blabbering away, and before I knew it, I was lost in thought. I smiled at the poster dreamily; The Akatsuki. They were my favourite band when I was about 13. Major metal-heads, but _boy _could they make music.

They disappeared a few years ago. Well, not literally. According to a news article, the lead-singer, Pain, fell into a great depression, and no longer wanted to sing. The band took a break for a while, and during that time, they had become severely fucked up.  
The lead bass player, Kisame Hoshigaki, had become a serious alcoholic. Most of them were probably alcoholics, but this guy was insane. He was arrested for smashing a bottle round a photographer's head. The guy was a nut case, and over 6-feet tall.  
Then, There was the drummer, Hidan. No-one knew his second name; He was one of those "cool guys" who only liked to be known by their first-name. Now, this guy was always pretty insane. He chewed off a kitten's head on live TV; Ozzie Osborne had nothing on this guy. Anyway, Hidan was sent away for a long, long break with the band's financial manager, and was never seen since.

I knew nothing about the others. The Akatsuki just stopped making music. I guess you could call it retirement, they _were _all stinking rich by that time, so who could blame them?

It was only until now, when I had seen their name come up in the papers.

"Oi, Iwa!"

My attention quickly snapped towards my boss, and I raised an eyebrow.  
"Were you even listening to me?" He snapped, glaring slightly. I shook my head, staring at him innocently. Mr. Kazuo let out a heavy sigh, and pointed towards the poster.

"The Akatsuki are performing a gig; For the first time in 10 years."

I continued staring at Mr. Kazuo, blinking a few times.  
"S-Say what, un...?"  
"I think you heard me the first time."

I let out a cry of disbelief, standing up, and fist-pumping into the air.  
"Calm down, idiot!" My boss cried, pushing me back into my chair, cutting my celebration short.  
"B-But I have to buy tickets!" I whined, spinning myself around on the chair a few times.

Mr. Kazuo growled, slamming his hand down on the chair to stop it spinning.  
"Listen; You're the best journalist we have here." He began, his eyes narrowing.  
"Why thank you, un." I smirked, crossing my arms.  
"We're going to be hosting the gig; Which means we're gonna be designing t-shirts, banners, merchandise, you name it!" He continued, sitting himself back down into his large, leather recliner.

My heart began beating quickly, and I grinned, leaning forward.

I couldn't believe what I was hearing. Our company had been hosting events like these for years, but never had we had a band as cool as The Akatsuki!

"But that may not be happening at all."

My heart stopped dancing, and began beating at It's normal, boring rate; If not, lower.  
"W-What...?" I groaned, tilting my head.  
"You're a fan of them, so as you probably know now, The Akatsuki are a fucking mess. Why'd you think the managers let us host this gig? You probably know most of the members better than me, so I want you to do something very, very important..."

Just get to the fucking point, old man!

"Now, some of the members are perfectly fine. I heard Itachi Uchiha advertises shampoo now...But as we all know, some of them are not. Unless we want no-one showing up to the gig, we need to get them back into shape. Kisame Hoshigaki is already undergoing help, and Hidan has regular appointments with a top-class therapist. Pain is pretty much back to his usual self, and is now back with his girlfriend. Tobi's his usual self too."  
"So what exactly do you need help with, un...?"

Mr. Kazuo paused for a second, and began rummaging underneath his desk. Shortly after, he resurfaced, placing a large box full of DVDs and videos.  
"Sasori Akasuna, lead guitarist of The Akatsuki. You know him, right?"  
I smirked. "Who doesn't?".  
"Right. Well, as you know then, the kid's a complete mess. We've offered him all the help he needs, but he just wont accept it. In fact, I was talking to him last night on the telephone. I asked him if he could ask anyone from our company for help, who would it be..." Mr. Kazuo faded out, looking down into the box.  
"And...?"  
"And he answered 'The pretty blonde one, Deidara Iwa'. The little bastard had stolen the employee files a few months ago, and obviously had quite a fun time going through all the pictures. In other words, Sasori Akasuna has specifically asked for you to help him being such a mess."

I almost fell out of my chair.

This could not be happening. I was dreaming. This was just a sick joke Mr. Kazuo was playing on me.

"Y-You're kidding...Right?" I stuttered, too shocked to spin my chair around any more.  
Mr. Kazuo shook his head. "Afraid not. You're meeting him tomorrow morning at the airport, 8 am, don't be late. He's going to be staying with you until the gig. Those were his orders. Just to know what you're in for, I suggest that you watch these videos of his previous interviews, when The Akatsuki were still big. At least then you'll have an idea of how...You need to help him."

I stood up slowly, not really knowing what to say. Sasori Akasuna, staying in my apartment? Spending time with me? Besides that, how on earth was I suppose to help him, I looked like anything _but _a therapist. At the moment, I looked a bit like a hungover Barbie. Except much more fabulous and amazing, of course.

"I suggest you get going now. Watch those videos, and clean up your shit-hole of an apartment. Yes?" Mr. Kazuo smiled, shifting the box towards me. I grumbled, standing up, and picking up the box.

In the process of this, I almost lost my arms.

"Oh, and Iwa?"

I turned around towards my boss, raising an eyebrow.  
"If you fuck this up, you're fired."  
"Thanks...I'll keep that in mind, un." I replied, grumbling under my breath.

Now; Where do I begin?

_**Later, Deidara's POV**_

After cleaning my entire apartment, or in my words, kicking a few piles of clothes under the bed, I sat myself down on the sofa, hugging a pillow.  
When The Akatsuki had stopped making music, Sasori Akasuna was hit by the public, big time. Whilst The Akatsuki were still at the top of the charts, they could get away with anything. I'm not kidding, in every damn interview, the red-head was high off his face. As soon as it got out that the band were no longer making music, Sasori was pummeled by the paparazzi, and every article about him was bad.

The guy was anything _but _a role-model; And that's what I was suppose to make him.

Deciding that it was now time to become educated in the world of Sasori, I picked up my remote, and pressed play.

A man with fancy hair, and an expensive-looking suit was sat on a sofa. Opposite him, was none other than Sasori Akasuna. He looked extremely thin, and was wearing a pair of black, skinny-jeans, and a baggy blue jumper. Despite this, a large smile was plastered onto his face.

_"So, Sasori, I heard you were spotted outside a restauant with your band's ex-manager, is that true?" The man asked, leaning forward in interest.  
__The red-head giggled, waving his hand slightly. "It may have been..." He teased, smiling.  
"So what is the current relationship between you, and your ex-manager, Orochimaru?"  
"W-We're..." Sasori paused for a moment, smiling at the audience, then shortly turning back towards the man. "You tell me."  
"Well, I wouldn't know..." The man replied, tilting his head. _

_Sasori chuckled, and shifted closer towards the man, leaning against his shoulder. The red-head was clearly high, but no-one seemed to care.  
"Let's just say..." Sasori paused, maintaining eye-contact with the man in a flirtatious way. "We're good friends...".  
"This picture says otherwise..." The man chuckled. _

On the screen, an enlarged picture came up, featuring Sasori being pinned against the wall by a tall, black-haired man, currently engaged in a full-on game of tonsil-hockey. I grimaced at the sight, I'm surprised the red-head even had time for a creep like him. Maybe the guy had a good personality?

The picture then disappeared, and Sasori came back into view.

_"That was unexpected..." He chuckled, taking a sip of water.  
"Does this mean you two are in a relationship?" The man grinned. _

_Just as the man said that, Sasori leaned forward, grabbing the man's tie, and enclosing the gap between them. The crowd in the background let out a scream, and numerous wolf-whistles could be heard. A few seconds later, Sasori pulled away, looking flushed. The man looked completely baffled, and was bright red. _

_"May I ask what that was for?" He asked, smirking slightly.  
"Does this mean us two are in a relationship?" The red-head replied, tilting his head. _

_A row of laughter could be heard, followed by an applause, and the scene soon cut to a break. _

I raised an eyebrow, checking the date of the video. It had been filmed 13 years ago. Sasori was only around 20 then, but still looked young for his age, around 15. Now, he must be in his mid-thirties. I smirked, imagining what a mess he probably looked now, compared to the, let's face it, stunning red-head in the video.

Another problem with Sasori. The red-head often used his looks to get whoever the hell he desired, hence the video. I had hundreds of articles about numerous celebrities the man had been caught sleeping with, and how many hearts he had broken. I guess that's just the life of a rock star.

Yawning slightly, I switched the video to an earlier one. About 11 years old.

The scene appeared to be set on another talk-show. Sasori was positioned on a comfy-looking sofa, in the arms of a large, muscular man. I think he was a drummer of some other band or something. Compared to this guy, the red-head looked absolutely tiny. I had heard that Sasori wasn't the tallest of people, and I still had yet to find out about that, but even this was ridiculous.

Once again, the red-head looked extremely thin, much thinner than in the video before. This was one of the main results of drug and alcohol abuse. Unlike in the video before though, Sasori was supporting a large bruise on his left cheek-bone, which was poorly hidden by make-up. His nose looked red, as if he was just recovering from a bad cold, and he seemed a lot more jittery, shaking almost.

_"So, how long have you been together now? 2 months?" The woman in the video asked, smiling at the couple.  
"About that long." The muscular man nodded, smiling down at the red-head, in an almost sadistic way. Sasori smiled weakly, nodding.  
"Well you two make a great couple!" The woman exclaimed, smiling.  
"We do, don't we?" The man replied, running a hand through his hair.  
"No fights, no arguments...?"  
"None at all." The man grinned. _

When the man had said that, I noticed Sasori flinch slightly. He wasn't the same person in the video before. He was slowly changing.

I bit my lip, reaching for a newer video.

Inspector Deidara, let your mission begin.

_**Ah, ok! So that's the first chapter done! We will be meeting Sasori in the next!**_

_**So what did you think? Any questions?**_

_**Yes, OroSaso...I-It's like...Some sort of sadistic relationship I must include...I don't know what's coming over me. **_

_**If you wanted to know what it meant by "He chewed off a kitten's head on live TV; Ozzie Osborne had nothing on this guy." Ozzie Osborne chewed off the head of a live bat on-stage. That's all really XD**_

_**So yeah, Sasori's a little crack-whore...Well, used to be. Let's just hope he's changed now. **_

_**Anyway, I hope you enjoyed, please review!^^ **_


	2. Meeting

_**Ah, time for an update. So what did you think of the first chapter? Hopefully this fic will get a lot more...Interesting. **_

_**Deidara, 'Ya 'lil fanboy~!  
We'll be meeting Sasori in this chapter, yay~!**_

**_I don't really have a lot to say, other than I hope you enjoy!_**

**_Please review!^^_**

* * *

**_Deidara's POV_**

I had woken up early that morning, 6:00am, remembering that I had to go and pick up Sasori from the airport. I was incredibly tired, as I had stayed up most of the night watching videos of the red-head's early career.

He had started playing with The Akatsuki when he was very young, just 15 years old, after leaving home. There was nothing about his background life, but he seemed like the type of person who had been raised well. (Minus the drug and alcohol abuse in later life...)

I had also watched a few of The Akatsuki's live performances. Sasori certainly did have a way with the guitar, he was absolutely amazing! I couldn't keep up with his fingers, they were everywhere. His solos were simply magnificent. Re-watching the videos, I also noticed how he would always sway himself slightly, as if he was dancing with the guitar. The red-head seemed happy, and at peace, unlike how he was in some of his interviews.

There had been many reports in magazines, on how unhealthy Sasori had become. He'd gone from a complete beauty, to a bony addict, with bags under his eyes, and a high sex-appeal.

Sighing, I slipped out of bed, shuddering at the coldness of the floor. I didn't have enough money for any heating, I'd have to wait till Thursday, my pay-date.

A quick shower later, I slung a piece of bread into the toaster, popping the tab down. All my towels were in the wash, so I'd have to wait till I had dried off naturally. Yes; This meant I was currently walking around my house, stark naked, and dripping wet. Thank goodness I lived on the 8th floor.

After making a cup of coffee, and sloppily spreading a layer of butter on my toast, I sprawled myself out on the sofa, still naked, and slowly ate my breakfast.

At that moment, I began to ponder. What was Sasori like now? Years had passed, he was probably a complete mess. I doubt he had aged well either, after all, drugs and alcohol really don't mix well. What was he like? Sure, he seemed nice enough in all the interviews, but most celebrities had to act kind.

I groaned, leaning over to check the time. 6:41am. It took about half an hour to get to the airport, so I still had plenty of time.

Dumping my cup and plate into the sink, I made my way back into my bedroom, and quickly dressed myself. A pair of black, skinny jeans, a white, button-up shirt, underneath a light brown, v-neck jumper, and a dark blue leather jacket. It was cold, and frosty outside, so I added a cream-coloured scarf.

I then styled my hair into it's usual do, and dried it. Then after applying a thick layer of eyeliner, I walked back into the living-room. It seemed a lot cleaner at night-time.

...I guess giving it another clean wouldn't hurt, I had time to kill, after all.

After trying to make the room appear to be less-cluttered, and sort-of failing, I checked the time, again. 7:34am.

Almost falling over, I quickly stood up, and began searching for my keys. I was going to be late! What would Sasori think? What would my boss think? Today was not a good day.

Letting out a cry of joy, I retrieved my keys, quickly pocketing them, and slipping on a brown pair of combat boots.

Before leaving, I quickly checked my appearance in the mirror, and smiled at the result.

Locking the door, and running down the stairs (Because taking the lift was too mainstream...), I left the apartment block, and rushed towards my car. A blue Fiat, a few years old, nothing special. I needed a low-budget car, and that's what I got.

I quickly sat inside the vehicle, slamming the door, and starting the engine. The roads were icy, so I couldn't go too fast. Oh well, I'd die anyway if I was late picking Sasori up.

Thanks to my dangerous, illegal driving, I arrived at the airport at exactly 7:52am.

I quickly parked, and rushed into the airport, looking around for Sasori's flight. When I spotted it, I ran into the waiting area. Thankfully, the plane had only just landed.

When I arrived into the waiting area, I noticed that I was receiving a few odd looks; Which was understandable. After all, my cheeks were extremely flushed, and I was panting like a dog in the sun.

I glared at a man, who was giving me a dirty look.  
"What, un? You've never seen a boy waiting for a celebrity?" I seethed.  
"Freak..." The man muttered, edging away from me.

Just as I was about to punch the man, a series of voices came from down the corridor.  
"Deidara Iwa! Where is Deidara Iwa?" I gruff voice called. I looked up, spying a largely-built man, wearing a smart, black suit.  
"I-I'm Deidara Iwa, un..." I answered, loud enough for the man to hear.

At that moment, I imagined a series of people all standing up, going; "No! _I, _am Deidara Iwa!". That would seriously make my day. Sadly, it didn't happen.

The man spotted me, and waltzed over. Before I knew it, the guy was _groping _me.  
"W-What the fuck, un?" I cried, trying to push the huge man away.  
"Are you carrying any lethal weapons?" The man asked, continuing to search me. "Guns, sharp objects?"  
"No, un..." I replied, frowning.  
"Do you have any drugs, or illegal substances?"  
"No!"  
"Then you're fine."

The man backed away slightly, giving me a fierce look.  
"I'm Mr. Akasuna's body guard. As we speak, your apartment is being given a full security check, just to make sure you're not another sick fuck..." The man grimaced, glaring down at me.  
"Well, thanks, un." I huffed, crossing my arms.  
"We won't be throwing anything away, we'll just confiscate it, until Mr. Akasuna leaves."  
"I heard." I replied, growling slightly.

Just as the bastard was about to reply, a heard a camera go off.  
"Sasori, Sasori!" A voice called, followed by another camera flash.

I quickly turned my head, spotting a large crowd of paparazzi, flashing cameras. The large man glared, approaching the crowd, and pushing them away.

In the center of the crowd, was a small figure. At first, I thought it was a lost child; Until the bodyguard wrapped an arm around his shoulder, pushing him forward slightly. It was then, when I realized who it was.

The figure was wearing a cream-coloured pair of skinny jeans, a yellow, button-up shirt, along with a deep blue, knitted jumper. Over this, he wore a deep-red blazer, with a black collar and elbow-pads. Also complimented with a pair of navy-blue gloves, and black combat-boots. I couldn't see the "figure's" face, as they wore a pair of large, sunglasses, and a mint-green scarf, covering his head.

I gulped slightly at the figure approached me. I was about to see Sasori Akasuna's face...His old, drug-addict, alcoholic face...

I looked down at the man. The rumors were true, he was indeed, rather small, especially for his age at the moment.  
"Deidara Iwa...?" He asked. I noticed how silky and young his voice sounded, which was unusual for someone in his...Situation.  
"U-Un..." I replied, looking down at the man.

He then looked up, slowly taking off the scarf, revealing his soft, vibrant, red hair, and pale, smooth skin. He then slipped off the glasses, smiling up at me.  
"I'm Sasori Akasuna; It's a pleasure to meet you." He announced.

My eyes were wide. Was this some sort of prank?

Sasori hadn't changed. His skin was still pale, and porcelain-like. His eyes were still large, with thick, dark eyelashes. His nose was still petite, and his lips were still small, but plump.

"W-What is this...?" I asked, raising an eyebrow. Sasori tilted his head.  
"An airport, silly..." He giggled, patting me on the shoulder.

Before I could reply, Sasori's bodyguard stepped forward.  
"I'll be leaving you now, Mr. Akasuna..." He announced, bowing his head slightly.  
"Aw, c'mere!" The red-head cried, pulling the man into a hug.

I raised an eyebrow at how affectionate Sasori was, and my eyes almost fell out of their sockets when the much smaller man put his slender hands on each side of the bodyguard's face, pulling him into a kiss.

The kiss was obviously just a friendly one, but Sasori seemed to be enjoying it more than he should.

Eventually, the two pulled away, and the bodyguard's cheeks were darkly flushed, as he placed a suitcase next to the red-head, and walked off.

I chuckled nervously, looking down at the red-head's bag.  
"At least you've packed appropriately, un..." I laughed, picking up the suitcase.  
Sasori chuckled. "Yes, I was told not to pack too much...".

He then turned his head towards the side, smiling at a large group of men, who were wheeling in a large trolley...Piled with cases.

"W-What's all this...?" I asked, raising my eyebrows.  
"My bags, silly." Sasori replied, pouting slightly.  
"B-But..." At that moment, I wanted to drop down dead. These bags could quite easily fill my bathroom!

The men approached us, leaving the trolleys next to me, and smiling at Sasori, who nodded in reply.  
"Thank you, Ben~!" He smiled, waving the men off.

"How am I getting all this back...?" I asked, trying my best not to glare at the man.  
"Your car!" The red-head smiled, walking off aimlessly.  
"Hey, un!" I cried, chasing the man, and leaving the bags behind. "Where're you going?"  
"I need a drink..." Sasori mumbled, walking towards a shop, which was highly stocked with alcohol.

It was then, that I remembered the whole reason why Sasori was here; I needed to sort him out.

I glared, spinning the smaller man around.  
"No."  
"But why~?" Sasori smiled, tilting his head.  
"Because I'm going to make you stop drinking." I stated, directing him back to the bags, which were thankfully still there.  
"Tch~" The red-head giggled. "Not going to happen~".

After finding a few nice men to help wheel the bags to the car, whilst Sasori watched happily, I seated myself in my fully-loaded vehicle, leaning my head against the wheel.  
"What's up with the tin can?" A voice asked. I opened my eyes, sitting up, finding Sasori laying on my bonnet, on his stomach, his forehead pressed against the front window.  
"W-What the fuck, un?" I cried, quickly sitting back.

Sasori giggled, rolling onto his back. "M'getting the car-tan; You like~?".  
I sighed, stepping out of the car, and picking the man up. Then I quickly, but gently, placed him in the passenger's seat.  
"We're going back to my apartment." I stated, closing his door, and getting into the driver's seat.  
"An adventure, oh goodie~!" The red-head exclaimed, leaning his head back into the seat, and lighting up a cigarette.

I glared, pulling the stick away from his mouth.  
"No smoking, un." I stated, throwing it out of the window.  
"Ciggy~! "Sasori cried, sprawling himself across my lap.  
"The fuck's wrong with you?"

I growled, pushing the man back into his seat, and strapping him in, before he could become any more of a nuisance to me.

I had just met the man; And already, I have decided that Sasori Akasuna, is a nightmare.

* * *

**_Not the longest chapter, I know; But hopefully they'll get longer in later chapters._**

**_So we've met Sassy~ I know, he's extremely OOC, but that will change when he...Sobers up..._**

**_I hope you enjoyed this chapter, please review!^^ _**


	3. After Affects

_**Time to update this sucker! **_

**_What do you think so far? Any questions? If so, don't be afraid to ask^^_**

**_So how'd you like drunk-and-high-as-fuck Sasori? He's weird, I know, I know...He'll sober up though. _**

**_Poor Dei, being all poor..._**

**_I don't have a lot to say, other than enjoy, and please review!^^_**

* * *

_**Deidara's POV**_

I fumbled around for my keys, glaring.  
"You're taking too long~! The red-head next to me sighed, frowning.  
"Just be patient, un..." I seethed, eventually finding the shiny keys.

Sasori let out a gleeful cry, bouncing up and down.  
"Is it fancy? Do you have a jacuzzi? Let's go in the jacuzzi, we'll have a great time!"  
"I don't have a jacuzzi..." I sighed, putting the key into the lock.

Sasori pouted, before grinning. "You've got a pool, haven't you?"  
I grumbled. "My apartment is about the size of a pool."  
"So you _do _have a pool!" Sasori smiled, before breaking into a fit of giggles. I raised my eyebrows at the man. "Y-You're a fishy!" He cried.

I had a feeling Sasori was to drive me crazy by the end of the month.

Fuck. My. Life.

Just as I had opened the door, Sasori had already bolted in. I let out a cry, following him.

Sasori stopped mid-way into the living room, speechless.

Just what I had expected. Sasori most-likely lived in some huge house, in a real fancy area. My whole apartment was probably the size of his bathroom.  
"...I can book you into a hotel, if you like, un..." I began, digging through my pockets. "I haven't got a lot of money, so it will only be a cheap one, but I suppose it's better than he-  
"I love it!"  
"...Say again, un?" I tilted my head.

Sasori turned around, facing me, and grinning.  
"It reminds me of a cave." He smiled.

I wasn't sure whether to think of that as a compliment, or as offending.  
"Thank you, un...?"  
"I love caves!" The red-head randomly added, tilting his head with a smile.

I let out a light sigh, patting the man's shoulder.  
"I'm sure you do, un...I'm sure you do...".

Sasori smiled lazily, making his way into the kitchen.  
"This reminds me of..." The man walked around, approaching the taps. "A waterfall!" He chimed, turning the taps on.

I chuckled nervously, following the red-head, and turning off the taps. I didn't want to waste water...  
"That's nice..." I smiled.

Sasori ran over to the toaster. "I have one of these!"  
"Lots of people do, un..." I frowned. "Would you like something to eat?"  
"M'not hungry..." Sasori pouted, slouching over the counter.  
"...You're very thin; No offense..." I murmured, kinda wanting to poke the red-head.  
"So're you..." The man mumbled.

I raised an eyebrow. Sasori had suddenly changed from acting like an energetic 5 year-old, to a depressed old man.  
"Would you like to have a short nap? I imagine your flight was very long and tiring, un...".

By the looks of the dark bags under his eyes; Sasori hadn't had any sleep in a while.  
"I suppose..." The man sheepishly replied, standing properly. "Where should I...?"  
"Sleep, un?"  
"Yes, that...Where should I sleep...?".  
"Well I was planning to let you sleep on the sofa, I've only got my be-"  
"Bed." The red-head answered, walking out of the kitchen, through the living room, and too my bedroom.

I growled, following the man.  
"B-But that's my bed, un!"  
"M'sleepy though..." Sasori grumbled, crawling into my bed, under the covers.

I guessed pulling the red-head out of the covers, and throwing him out the window, wasn't the best idea...

"Sleep well." I sighed, exiting the room.

* * *

I hummed, making myself a cup of coffee. Sasori had been out cold for about 3 hours now, it was the most peace and quiet I have had all damn day...

I froze, hearing footsteps entering the kitchen. Turning around, I saw Sasori, yawning.

The first thing I noticed; Was that he looked a lot better. A _lot _better. The bags under his eyes had almost faded, and he looked slightly perkier.  
"Had a good sleep, un...?" I smiled.  
"Your bed is awful." The red-head noted, making his way over towards the kettle.

I chuckled. "I know...I need to get a new one...".  
"Then get a new one."  
"Can't afford it, un..."

Sasori paused for a moment, before switching the kettle on, water boiling.

The red-head had changed from energetic 5 year-old, to depressed old man, to witty-snob. I hate to admit it, but I was actually starting to prefer energetic 5 year-old.

It then hit me. Sasori had sobered up.

_Of course._

"Where do you keep your tea...?" The red-head asked, looking up at me.  
I leaned over him, reaching for the box. Sasori scrunched up his nose. "Don't patronize me. I'm not a child, you could have just told me where the box was."  
"I was only trying to be helpful, un..." I frowned, sipping my coffee.

Sasori let out a sigh, pulling a packet of cigarettes from his pocket. I frowned, reaching for them, earning a glare from the man.  
"Don't touch." He seethed.  
My eyes widened, and I nodded. "U-Un...".

I watched the red-head light himself up a cigarette, smoking the stick with satisfaction.

I shifted uncomfortably, not really liking Sasori's current personality. He seemed much nicer in the videos.

"Where do you keep your vodka?" The man then asked, tilting his head.  
I tried not to laugh; I couldn't even afford vodka!  
"I-I don't have any..."  
The red-head let out a harsh sigh, making his way into the living room, and sitting down on the sofa. I watched him retrieve a small bag out of his pocket, containing a portion of white powder.

My eyes widened as the red-head bent his small frame over the coffee table, and began lining up the powder.  
"No, un!" I glared, running into the room.

Sasori raised an eyebrow, looking up at me. "Excuse me?"  
"You're not doing any more drugs! You know how bad that is for you?" I seethed, turning my chin towards the powder.

The man grumbled in reply, before I poured my coffee all over the powder, ruining it.

The red-head let out a cry, standing up. "What the hell is wrong with you?"  
"No." I glared. "What the hell is wrong with _you_?" I bit my lip.

"No more drugs. That's final."

That explained why Sasori was so damn cranky; He had a serious addiction.

This needed to stop, soon.

* * *

_**Very short chapter...**_

_**So, Sasori's starting to show his little after-affects...**_

_**What did you think of this, then? **_

_**I hope you enjoyed, please review^^ **_


	4. Shoots!

_**Update~! I've had this sitting in my documents for a while now...I just...Kinda lost it...**_

_**Too much crap, y'see. I seriously need to do a clean up...**_

_**I've just realized, this whole time, I've been writing "**_**_defiantly", instead of "definitely". I. Am. An. Idiot.  
Thank you ReEna-Kk for pointing out that painful fact, I will try my best not to look like a total buffoon again. XD_**

_**I hope you enjoy this chapter, please review!^^**_

* * *

_**Deidara's POV**_

* * *

I smiled, bringing a tea tray into the living room, placing it on the table, in front of the red-head.

"Thank you..." Sasori muttered, pouring himself a cup of tea.  
I nodded, sitting opposite the red-head. "So, tell me about yourself."

"There's not a lot to know." The man replied, sipping his tea.  
"I think there is, un." I chuckled, nibbling a biscuit. "I haven't read a single article on your past, or anything like that."  
"Mainly because there's not a lot to know."

I bit my lip, my smile faltering slightly. "S-So...How'd you learn to play the guitar?"  
"My granny taught me..."  
I chuckled. "You're kidding, right...?"

The red-head raised an eyebrow, shaking his head. "No..."  
"When did she teach you, un...?"  
"Since I could walk..." Sasori smiled, looking down.

"That's worth an article!" I laughed, finishing my biscuit.

Sasori shook his head again, but maintained a lazy smile.  
"And you sing, un...?" I asked, tilting my head.  
The red-head raised an eyebrow. "Where'd you hear that...?"  
"I hear you singing in the backing tracks!" I grinned.

Sasori chuckled. "That's doesn't mean I sing...".  
"But you sing sometimes." I smiled.  
"Sometimes." The red-head began, catching my eye. "My voice isn't exactly fitted for a rock band though, so only occasionally."  
"It's a beautiful voice though, un...".  
"Not a suitable voice for a rock band." The man repeated.

Sasori was right; His voice _wasn't _suitable for a rock band. It was rather high-pitched, but still led a beautiful melody. The lead singer, Pain, had a cracking voice. It was rough, and jagged, but made a sound which you simply couldn't get enough of.

"So what about you, brat? Do you play anything? Sing?" The red-head piped up.  
"Well, I can play Three Blind Mice on the recorder, un!" I grinned, earning a disappointing look from the red-head.  
"You seem like a musical person..." He mumbled.  
"I'm an artistic person." I smiled.

Sasori looked up slightly, quirking an eyebrow. "Oh? Well it just so happens that I am too."  
"You' mean musically artistic, un?"  
The red-head shook his head. "No, no. I'm into woodwork."  
"Woodwork?" I repeated.  
Sasori nodded. "Carving, puppetry, all that jazz...Enough about me though. What type of art are you into? Ballet?"

I tried my best not to glare, and shook my head. "Clay sculpting, un."  
"Sounds messy..." The red-head smirked.  
"That's the beauty of it!" I grinned. "It's even better when I get to blow my sculptures up! Bang, bang, ban-

"I'm sorry, what?"

I turned my head towards Sasori, grinning. "That's my art, un! Fleeting beauty?"  
"...Brat, that's probably the most ridiculous thing I have ever heard.  
I frowned, pouting slightly. "How so?"  
"Art is eternal. Something so beautiful, that it deserves to last forever, to be seen by everyone!"  
"That's crap, un! _Real _art is something that should only be seen in the artists eyes once! Something so beautiful, that it tests the artist. If he or she is so proud of it, they would remember it forever, even if it were to be destroyed."

"...I have no hope in your generation..." The red-head muttered, ignoring my speech.  
I scowled. "Hey-

I was interrupted by a knock on the door.  
"I'll get it, un..." I muttered, making my way through the hallway, whilst Sasori sipped his tea.

"Coming~! I chimed, opening the door.

My eyes met the sight of a very strange looking man. He had sickly pale skin, messy green hair, and his eyes were a strange yellow. He wore a pair of black and grey, stripey skinny jeans, along with a white, button up shirt, underneath a grey waistcoat. Around his neck, the man wore a thin, black scarf. Added to the outfit, was a black pair of combat boots, and a brown, leather satchel.

"Deidara Iwa, right?" The man asked, tilting his head.  
I nodded slowly, trying not to smirk at the man's amusing coloured hair. Instead, I looked down at his boots. "I like your shoes, un...".  
"Have them. I've got a bunch more at home." The green-haired man replied, slipping past me, and walking through the hallway.

It took me a few seconds to realize what had just happened.

"H-Hey, un!" I cried, closing the door, and following the man. "You can't just walk in here!"  
"Boots in exchange for shoots, my friend." The man chimed, going through his bag.

I paled.

Shoots? The guy was getting a gun out from his bag...I knew it! Shoots! He was going to shoot me!

"P-Please, don't shoot me, un!" I cried, holding my hands in the air.

The man paused his searching, raising an eyebrow at me. "Excuse me...?"  
"Shoots, un! Y-You're gonna shoot me, aren't you! Make it quick...Please..." I closed my eyes, trying my best not to flinch.

A few seconds past, and I felt no pain. I slowly cracked my eyes open, frowning at the man.

He was holding a large camera.

I blinked.

He blinked.

"Shoots." He stated, gesturing towards the camera.  
I blinked a few more times, before letting out a sigh of relief. "Oh, that type of shoot, un!" I grinned.

The man nodded. "I'm not the best at rhyming..." He muttered, making his way into my bedroom.

I followed him, raising an eyebrow. "May I ask what you're doing...?"  
"Taking photographs. Pain wants to make sure this place is suitable for Sasori."

I flinched as the man turned around, taking a picture of me.  
"Pain as in the lead singer of the Akatsuki, un...?"  
"No, Pain as in the physical sensation."

I blinked.

He blinked.

"I was joking."  
"I know, un."

"So...Who exactly are you?" I finally asked.  
"Zetsu."  
"That's a funny name, un...".  
"That's a funny speech impediment."

"...I'm the band's manager." Zetsu stated eventually.  
"H-Huh...?" I blinked. "T-That's awesome!"

"Oh, it's anything but..." The green-haired male murmured, making his way into the living room.

"Oh, hello Zetsu." Sasori greeted, still sipping tea.  
"Oh, hello Sasori." Zetsu responded, in the exact same monotone.

Sasori blinked.

Zetsu blinked.

"...Do you like it here?" Zetsu asked, taking a picture of the room.  
Sasori nodded. "The tea's nice...And it reminds me of a cave."  
"You like caves." Zetsu noted.  
"I do." Sasori replied.

I followed the green-haired man into the kitchen, watching as he took another picture of the room.

"So, I hear you're trying to keep Sasori off drugs..." He smirked, going through my cupboard.  
"And alcohol, and cigarettes, and anything harmful to his body." I smiled proudly.

Zetsu chuckled, looking in the fridge. "Good luck with that..."  
"It's actually not that hard, un..." I continued, leaning on the counter. "For an addict, it didn't take him long to get off the drugs."

Zetsu turned around, frowning slightly. "When was the last time he took something?"  
"Yesterday..." I replied. "I made sure to rid his suitcases of alcohol, drugs, and things like that, so he shouldn't be doing anything behind my back."

"All I'm gonna say to that, is don't underestimate him."  
I tilted my head. "Excuse me, un?"  
"Sasori's much smarter than you think. He's a genius, in fact. He'll find a way, he always does."

I pouted. "I know _that_..."  
"Oh, you _think_ you do..." Zetsu chuckled. "But before you know it, he'll be dancing on the table with his nose covered in crack."  
"That's not gonna happen, un." I stated, pursing my lips.

"Well, I'm not you, so I can't say a lot~" The green-haired male chuckled lightly, slipping the camera back into his satchel, making his way into the living-room.

Before following Zetsu, I heard a loud laugh coming from the man.  
"U-Un...?" I frowned, walking into the room.

My eyes met with something shocking. There was Sasori, wearing nothing but his shirt, and boxers...Dancing on the table. His nostrils were coated in a suspicious white powder, and he seemed to be having the time of his life.

"Cats go splat, and rats go tat!" He chimed, jumping up and down, flashing his bony hips. "Mats are flat, and brats go chat, chat, chat!" He giggled, looking at me. "Brats go chat, chat, chat!"

"And I thought my rhyming was bad..." Zetsu muttered, going through his satchel, pulling out a small, paper bag. "This is for you." He stated. "We call it Sasori's 'emergency rations'. Whenever he's in a condition like..." The green-haired male turned his head towards the dancing red-head. "..._That..._We use it. It contains things like smelling salts, herbal tea, mineral water...All that rubbish. It helps though."

I nodded in thanks, taking the bag.  
"Well, I should be going now. Enjoy...That." Zetsu smirked, gesturing to the red-head.  
I pouted, clutching the bag. "Take him with you, un...?"

By the time I had said this, the green-haired man was already half way across the room.  
"Nooo~!" Sasori cried, diving at Zetsu's legs, clutching onto them. "Don't leave me in the cave~! Not the cave, man! I've seen some things here, some things~!"  
"Tell Mr. Speech-impediment about them things then~! He'd love to know!" Zetsu smiled, eventually getting Sasori off his legs.

Before I could reply, Zetsu was out of the door before you could say "You bastard, you told me I could have your boots, un."

I let out a sigh, looking down at the red-head, who was rolling around on the floor.  
"You've got to be joking..." I muttered, narrowing my eyes at the man.

I guess energetic 5 year-old had come out to play.

Again.

* * *

_**And that was that. **_

_**I decided not to give Zetsu a black half, as that would just be confusing, and hard to write. D:**_

_**Oh, and in case you're curious, The Akatsuki are a heavy rock band. Which you already know. **_

_**If you're wondering what I meant when I wrote Sasori had a too-high voice, listen to the song "Goodbye Mr A" by The Hoosiers, and imagine him singing it. **_

_**That's how I imagine he'd sound like! XD**_

_**I hope you enjoyed this chapter, please review!^^**_

_**I hope you enjoyed this chapter, please review!^^**_


	5. Are you a spy?

_**Update~! I should really be updating my other fics, but I just have so much fun writing this.**_

_**I'm going to try and get things moving, I just keep getting distracted. DX Sorry about that. **_

_**I don't have a lot to say at the moment, other than enjoy^^ **_

* * *

_**Deidara's POV**_

I sipped my coffee, facing the green-haired man.  
"So how long have you been the bands manager, un?"

"Oh, ages now...Ever since the old one left." Zetsu replied.  
"Who was that...?" I tilted my head, waiting for him to go on.  
"Orochimaru, his name was...Complete creep, if you ask me."

I nodded. "Why'd he leave...?"  
"Many, many reasons..." The man murmured, spacing out.

I blinked. "What reasons?"  
Zetsu jumped slightly. "Oh, you want me to tell you."  
"Well, yeah."

Zetsu blinked.

"Oh, no, no! Not that shit again, un. Just tell me."  
"Ah, It was worth a try."

We sat there in an awkward silence, before I slammed my fist down onto the table. "Just fucking tell me, un!"

Did I mention we were sat in Starbucks? No? Oh. Well, we were sat in Starbucks, and everyone turned their heads towards me.

Zetsu chuckled. "Funny~"  
I glared, feeling a vein pop in my forehead. "Just tell me..."  
"Did I ever tell you about the time I gave money to a homeless guy, who turned out to be my boss?"  
"Twice, un! Just tell me about Orochimaru!"

"Fine, fine..." The man muttered, setting down his coffee. "Orochimaru was always weird, no-one really liked him. After a few months of being the band's manager, it was revealed that him and Sasori were in a relationship."  
"In a relationship...?" I repeated.

Zetsu rolled his eyes. "No; They were cousins."  
"Really?"  
The man face-palmed, mumbling under his breath."I was being sarcastic..."  
"Oh, un.", I blinked. "Well go on then."

"No-one really approved of the relationship, but they let it go one, none the less..."  
I nodded, taking another sip of my coffee.  
"However, Sasori was caught getting a bit too close to one of the old members, thus making Orochimaru furious. The creep hired one of his workers to target the old member, who hasn't been seen since."

I gulped. "T-Then what, un...?"  
"Find out more, next episode." Zetsu replied plainly.  
"Y-You're kidding, right?" I frowned.  
"Why would I be kidding? I'm not into gossip." Zetsu replied, watching a woman walk past.

I raised an eyebrow as the man snorted, watching the woman. "Her husband's cheating on her, y'know? With a right piece of trash too."  
"...Have you ever heard of the word "hypocrite", un?" I smirked.  
"Have you ever heard of the sentence "maybe; I never really listened in school"?"

"You're a very awkward person, aren't you?" I chuckled.  
"And you look like a woman."  
"Don't go there, un..."

Me and Zetsu sat there in yet another awkward silence. I observed the strange man tapping a coin against his coffee mug.  
"So, how'd you become the band's manager, un...?"  
"Are you a spy?" Zetsu asked, looking up.  
"No...?" I replied, tilting my head.  
"...Me neither."

"...I like music." He eventually stated, resting his chin on the top of the mug.  
"Then become a musician...?" I suggested.  
Zetsu chuckled, shaking his head. "I'm so talented, the music industry doesn't deserve me...".

"Really, un?" I grinned. "What do you play?"  
"Well; I don't mean to brag or anything, but I can play Three Blind Mice on the recorder, without stopping." Zetsu smirked.

Damn it. I thought _I _was only talented to play such a complicated song...

"I wish you could be more serious, un."  
"Says the brat."  
"Excuse me?" I glared.  
"Oh? Don't you know?" Zetsu grinned. "That's what Sasori calls you."  
"He looks like a fucking child, un!" I seethed, seriously wanting to storm out, and punch the red-head in the face. How dare he refer to me in such a manner!

"You should be honored; He's called people much worse before."  
"I don't want to know, un..."  
"Good for you."

"...You never gave me your boots." I noted.  
"I like them."  
"You said you have loads more at home, un."  
"It would be cruel to separate them from their friends."  
"...They're boots."  
"...This is why I won't let you have them."

"B-But you promised, un!" I whined.  
"I never promised."  
"You said you'd give me your boots if I allowed you to take pictures of my apartment!" I glared.  
"I never promised though~" Zetsu smirked.  
"You're a bad person, un..." I pouted.  
"That I am..." Zetsu chuckled.

"So why _does _Sasori look so young? Has he had surgery...?" I asked, changing the subject. I was curious to know why exactly Sasori had remained so youthful-looking, and who the hell his surgeon was.  
"He's never had surgery. He's got a rare hormone disorder, which stumps his aging." The man replied. "It's pretty fascinating, actually."

I nodded slowly. "Right, un..."

"...So, why're we here again?" I frowned, remembering how the green-haired man had literally kidnapped me on my way to work.  
"Oh, I need to give you something to help you on your quest."  
"...You already gave me the 'emergency rations', un." I stated.  
"No, no...Not that..." Zetsu mumbled, going through his bag.

I tapped my foot, frowning.

Zetsu let out a slight gasp, sitting up normally, presenting me with a folder.  
"What's this...?" I asked, eyeing it.  
"The element of success: Cheating." He smirked, handing the folder to me. "This is all the information you'll need to know about Sasori..."

I grinned. "Thank you, un!"  
"No problem." Zetsu smiled.  
I opened up the folder, a large smile plastered across my face. However, almost immediately after, it faltered.

"What the fuck is this, un?" I plainly asked.  
"All the information on Sasori you'll ever need to know."

"...This is just a folder, full of pictures of kittens with wacky hats."

Zetsu blinked.

I blinked.

"There's a difference?" He shrugged.  
I felt like smacking my head against the table repeatedly. Or even better, smacking _Zetsu's _head against the table repeatedly.

"How in the hell is this going to help me, un?" I seethed.  
"...I don't really know." Zetsu admitted. "When you're down, you can smile at them."  
"...I'm so done with you." I stated, standing up.

"Don't forget your folder~!" Zetsu cooed, passing me the ridiculous waste of a good folder.  
I glared at the man, slipping the folder in my bag.

"This is going in the shredder, un."

* * *

I grumbled to myself, unlocking the door to my apartment. What a waste of time that was.

I walked into the hallway, dumping my bag on the floor, quietly closing the door. When I left, Sasori was taking another one of his "power-naps". Which was basically him passing out on my sofa for half the day.

"Sasori, you awake?" I called into the living-room. I heard no reply come from the man, and predicted that it was safe to walk in.

Oh how wrong I was.

I entered the shabby living-room, only to find Sasori, dancing on the table. He obviously hadn't noticed me get back, because he had earphones in. The red-head's eyes were gently closed, and he was slowly spinning around on the table, swaying his hips to whatever music he was listening to.

It was actually rather soothing watching this. The man had somehow managed to get himself onto more drugs this morning, thus making him a hyperactive wreck through the day. That had clearly worn off though, due to his peaceful expression, and the fact that he was no longer shaking like a freezing puppy.

I smiled at the sight, leaning on the door frame. This was what Sasori would do when he had his guitar, the way he would sway to the music. Seeing this brought me back to the good days, when the Akatsuki were _real_ role-models.

Sasori looked so relaxed, almost normal. It was a sight to see indeed.

Unfortunately, that sight didn't last too long. The red-head spun round again, but this time with his eyes slightly open, spotting me immediately.

He gasped, his eyes widening. "A-Ah!"

Before I realized what had exactly happened, I noticed the red-head now on the floor. The man had obviously been startled, and fell of the table.  
"Sasori, un!" I cried, kneeling next to him. "Are you okay?"

The red-head let out a low grumble, slowly raising his head, pulling the small buds out of his ears.  
"Y-You never saw that..." He muttered, lowering his head once again.

I gulped, slowly nodding.

Before I could say any more, my thoughts were interrupted by a loud banging at the door. I grumbled, marching through the hallway,  
"If that's Zetsu again..." I mumbled, glaring at the door.

The second I placed my hand on the door-knob, the door swung open, revealing a grinning man.

He was extremely familiar, with slicked-back, silver hair. His eyes were a magenta colour, but still held ferocity. He wore a pair of black skinny jeans, along with a black vest-top. Over this was a white bomber-jacket, along with a strange necklace; A triangle inside a circle.

Yes. By now, I knew exactly who this man was.

"Y-You..." I stuttered, eyeing the man.  
"Me?" He grinned.  
"H-Hidan, un..."  
_"Fuck yes_!"

Hidan: Psycho of the Akatsuki, was standing at my door.

Fuck life.

* * *

**That was fun~! ^_^ Soo~ Hidan's been introduced~ **

**I don't have a lot to say about this chapter, once again...**

**I hope you enjoyed, please review!^^**


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